38: The 5 Forbidden Phrases in Parenting with Susan Groner

October 8, 2018

In Episode 38 of The IMbetween Podcast, Daniel and Christina Im interview Susan Groner about the five forbidden phrases in parenting — why we shouldn’t use these phrases and what we should say instead.

In This Episode, You Will Hear About:

The five forbidden phrase in parenting
Why we shouldn’t say these phrases
Suggestions of what to say instead of these forbidden phrases
The cause of sibling rivalry and how to handle the conflict

Resources Mentioned During the Episode:

Parenting: 101 Ways to Rock Your World book by Sue Groner
Parenting Mentor – mentoring program by Sue Groner
Episode 20 – How to Raise an Adult with Drew Moser
Lawn Mower Parents are the New Helicopter Parents article
The Five Forbidden Phrases in Parenting Are:
- “What did you do in school today?”
- “Go to your room!”
- “What were you thinking?!”
- Why didn’t you….?”
- “Wow, that is great!”

Quotables:

“So many of us look at our kids like engineering projects.” – Sue Groner
“The engineering project goal is ultimately to get my child into a good college.” – Sue Groner
“Our roles as parents should be to work toward raising resilient, self-reliant kids, who have good problem-solving skills and good coping mechanisms.” – Sue Groner
“When we say, ‘Go to your room,’ it is really us saying, ‘We wish we could go to OUR room and close the door.” – Sue Groner
“When you say, ‘Go to your room,’ the child is hearing, ‘Get away from me’ or ‘I don’t want you around me.'” – Sue Groner
“When your child is acting out, that may be their signal to you that they need your love and support.” – Sue Groner
“Next time, try a time-in instead of a time-out.” – Sue Groner
“When a child says, ‘You are not listening to me,’ or ‘You are not hearing me,’ we need to take that seriously because it’s usually the case.” – Sue Groner
“Every time we ask our children the question, “What might you do differently next time?” we are teaching them to problem solve.” – Sue Groner
“The less parents get involved with sibling issues, the less sibling rivalry there will be.” – Sue Groner
“The reason there is sibling rivalry is that each child is vying for the ultimate — which is more love from the parents.” – Sue Groner
“To help build self-esteem, kids should feel good about what they do and develop it internally. They don’t need our external approval for everything that they do.” – Sue Groner

Subscribe and Connect With Us:

And don’t forget to subscribe to our podcast, so that you will never miss an episode!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Meet Susan Groner:

As an experienced mother, Sue Groner knows how stressful and overwhelming parenting can be at times. She founded The Parenting Mentor to provide an ally for parents in their quest to raise confident and resilient children.

Sue is also the creator of the CLEARR™ method of parenting, developed through years of trial (and her fair share of errors!) with her own family. CLEARR™ adheres to the belief that parenting strategies should be grounded in six important pillars: Communication, Love, Empathy, Awareness, Rules, and Respect. This has become the cornerstone of her practice as The Parenting Mentor.

A graduate of the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and a former advertising executive, Sue resides in New York City and Bedford, NY with her husband, two children (when they are not away at school) and two dogs. She is available for private, group, and virtual mentorship sessions nationwide.