163: The 4 Keys To Long-Term Sexual Satisfaction With Your Spouse
No area of a couple’s life offers more potential for embarrassment, hurt, and rejection than their sexual relationship. On the other hand, when everything is connected…when relational transparency and emotional honesty meet physical desire…wow…that’s a recipe for great sex. Great sex helps produce greater relational and emotional intimacy, and it just keeps snowballing in the best way possible. In Episode 163, Daniel and Christina give you the four keys to long-term sexual satisfaction with your spouse.
In This Episode, You’ll Hear About:
- The importance of emotional connectedness
- How to talk about sex with your spouse, even if it feels awkward
- Learn how to initiate sex and also to refuse it gently
- How all positive interactions between you and your spouse are foreplay
- Hear about the four keys to long-term sexual satisfaction with your spouse:
- Redefine what you mean by “sex”
- Turn toward each other
- Learn how to talk about it
- Refuse sex gently
Resources Mentioned In This Episode:
- Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools For Healthy Relationships by Marshall Rosenberg
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
- God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Dr, Juli Slattery
- Listen to previous episodes about intimacy:
Quotes and Tweets:
- Emotional bonding is key to good sex; when couples feel emotionally connected, they become more likely to share their vulnerabilities, which naturally improves the quality of their sex. @imbetweenshow
- Foreplay occurs every time you turn toward each other in some little way throughout the day. @gottmanInst
- Intimacy means vulnerability and emotional nakedness. It’s a long process that cannot be rushed. Sex takes two people willing to show up, be vulnerable, transparent, seen, known, and accepted. It is a journey for you and your spouse to discover together. It is where you both get to show up broken yet seen and still loved. @imbetweenshow
- According to Dr. Gottman’s research, it has to be okay, even rewarding, for either partner to refuse sex. As counterintuitive as this sounds, the research suggests that rewarding your spouse for saying no with a positive response leads to more sex. @imbetweenshow
Ideas On Rituals For Requesting Sex:
- Just saying straight out, “I want to make love.”
- Kissing your spouse’s neck and saying, “I really want you.”
- Putting your arms around your spouse and asking if he or she would like to make love.
- Leaving your spouse a note saying you want to make love tonight.
- Sending your spouse a steamy text during the day.
- Lighting candles in the bedroom.
- Suggesting taking a bath together or giving each other a long massage.
Discussion Prompts for You As A Couple:
- What should I do if you’re not in the mood?
- If I am really horny for you, but you are not feeling it, do you feel comfortable saying no? What do you need from me to feel comfortable saying no?
- If you are on the fence about having sex, and I am really turned on, what do you need from me? Are you okay with me trying to get you in the mood? If so, how should I approach that?
