After studying thousands of couples for over 4 decades, Dr. John Gottman found that the difference between happy and unhappy couples is not how much they fight, how often they have sex, or how much money is in their bank accounts. Instead, it is how often they turn toward each other instead of turning away from one another.
In episode 144, Daniel and Christina share how the first half of their marriage was a disaster waiting to happen and what changes they made to ensure the second half of their marriage was healthier.
In this episode, You’ll Hear About:
- The difference between turning toward and turning away from your spouse
- Why turning toward your spouse is the key to a flourishing relationship
- Why constantly turning away from your spouse feels like death by a thousand paper cuts
- How to make deposits into your emotional bank account
- 3 three practical ways you can practice turning toward your spouse today:
- Express appreciation daily
- Communicate understanding
- Be physically and verbally affectionate
Resources mentioned on this episode:
- Do you think your relationship would benefit from marriage counseling, but are not sure what to expect? Listen to 3 Clear Signs You Need Couples Counseling where we interview a marriage counselor and give you a sneak-peek into what a counseling session feels like
- Learn about the importance of bids for each other’s attention and the importance of turning toward one another when a bid is made.
- Read more about the importance of building love maps
- Take a look at The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
- Hear more about our relationship story and the purpose behind The IMbetween Podcast here
Quotes And Tweets:
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Philippians 4:8 – Summing it all up friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.
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Instead of simmering on the ways our spouse is “failing,” what do you think would happen if we expressed our appreciation for what is true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious, and beautiful about them? @imbetweenshow
- When your spouse makes a complaint, don’t try to solve the problem. The goal here is to express that you can understand why they are frustrated. Seek to understand, not to solve. @gottmaninst
- 1 Corinthians 12 – If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance.
- We feel loved when we feel heard and understood, and the more you do that, you are building an emotional connection between you both. You are both building up the body of Christ. @imbetweenshow
- Song of Solomon 7 – Yes, and your’s are too-my love’s kisses flow from his lips to mine. I am my lover’s. I’m all he wants. I’m all the world to him! Come, dear lover—and there I’ll give myself to you, my love to your love.
- Today and everyday, invest into your emotional bank account by continually looking for ways to turn toward your spouse, instead of turning away. @imbetweenshow
