134: Enneagram And Parenting: Tips For Cultivating A Closer Relationship With Your Kids Based On Your Type

March 1, 2021

The Enneagram is a tool that can help us grow in our understanding of ourselves and each other. In Episode 134, we want to take a deeper dive into the Enneagram as it pertains to parenting. Many teachers of the Enneagram do not recommend typing your children, so that is not what we will be doing in this episode. Instead, we will be discussing each type’s parenting strengths, certain areas each type needs to watch out for, and the paths of growth in our relationships with our children.

A Healthy Person Leads To A Healthy Parent:

We have talked to hundreds of parents and most would say that they are trying to be the very best parents to their children given the tools that they have. Maybe you’ve taken a parenting course, read a few books, or are raising your kids the way your parents raised you. And, yet you are still stumped about your relationship with your child. “Why do I react the way that I do when my child doesn’t want to spend time with me?” or “Why is it easier to get along with my older children than my younger children?”

While we will never know all the answers to our parenting questions, what we do know is that perfect parents don’t exist —and that should not be our goal. However, the longer that we parent, the more we realize that being emotionally healthy is really a huge component of parenting. It’s really difficult to model and teach our children how to be in a relationship with others if we don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship ourselves. As we further unpack the Enneagram within the parenting lens, you will see that no matter what type you are, the healthier you become, the better your parenting skills will be.

In This Episode, You Will Hear About:

The strengths each Enneagram type brings to the parent-child relationship.
Areas to watch out for and to be aware of in each type.
Paths of growth for each type in their parenting relationship with their kids.
The importance of knowing what your type looks like in unhealth and health.
How the Enneagram and Strengths Finder tools are similar and different.

Resources Mentioned During the Episode:

To learn more about boundaries, listen to our episodes This Is The Year You Learn To Set Boundaries: 4 Tips For People-Pleasers and Why Kids Need Boundaries
Want to hear more about what constitutes a fake apology? Listen to Do You Suck At Apologies? Here Are Four Steps To Healing Hurts With Your Spouse
The 5 Love Languages has been a true gift to use in the relationship and parenting journey. Listen to our previous episodes about Discovering Your Child’s Love Language and The 5 Love Languages of Blended Families
Are you eager to find out more about The Enneagram? Here are all our previous episodes in one place:
The Strengths Finder is another incredible tool to learn more about yourself and your children. Here are our previous episodes about Strengths Based Parenting:

Quotes and Tweets:

Type one parents are wise, measured, and attentive. When they are in a good space, they treat their children with kindness and respect. But, when they are not self-aware, they can become judgemental or critical. @imbetweenshow
Ones: You can learn to celebrate your child’s differences and come to the realization that there is more than one way to do something. That’s really a sign that you are growing in health. @imbetweenshow
Type two parents are loving and nurturing. Your empathy creates space for your child to feel heard and valued. You can easily be persuaded to join in and play along with your child. @imbetweenshow
Twos: When you aren’t in a good space, you can be a little smothering, It’s important for you to set boundaries because when you lack self-awareness, you can become overly permissive. @imbetweenshow
Type 3 parents are optimistic and very goal-driven. They are hard workers and put a lot of emphasis on success when it comes to raising their children. @imbetweenshow
Threes: Let your child accomplish their tasks in their own way. While you may be very concerned about the most efficient, productive, or quickest way to do a task, your child may not value efficiency as much as you do. @imbetweenshow
Type 4 parents feel and care deeply. They can help their children get in touch with their true feelings. @imbetweenshow
Fours: You tend to be sensitive, so be aware that you may take things more personally. If your child says no to spending time with you, you may withdraw and think that you aren’t a good parent. In reality, your child may just want to continue to do their own thing. @imbetweenshow
Type 5 parents are a wealth of knowledge and can offer their children a broad field of facts and information. They also love to share what they know. @imbetweenshow
Fives: Sometimes your distance – both physical and emotional – can come across to your child as a lack of interest. So, be sure to intentionally hug your children and tell them that you love them every single day. @imbetweenshow
Type 6 parents are dependable, hardworking, and responsible. They can demonstrate pressing through difficult thoughts and exemplify what it means to be courageous even though they are feeling afraid. @imbetweenshow
Sixes: Make sure that you’re not always predicting the worst-case scenario in life because it sets your kids up to see the world in a negative manner. While there may be danger in the world, we also want them to see that is beauty and hope in life too. @imbetweenshow
Type 7 parents are enthusiastic, spontaneous, imaginative, and energetic. They always have wonderful ideas for things to do. They love planning exciting events and keep up an energetic pace. @imbetweenshow
Sevens: Remember that you have to be the authority in the parent-child relationship. Your child needs rules and boundaries. Contrary to how you may feel, rules and boundaries help give your child confidence and a sense of security, which can foster an environment for fun and optimism too. @imbetweenshow
Type 8 parents are very protective of the ones that they love. They adore their children and can teach them how to confidently live in the world while helping their children feel safe. @imbetweenshow
Eights: You tend to struggle with apologies because you see it as a sign of weakness instead of a sign of vulnerability. Learning to really apologize to your child when needed is powerful. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you want to re-connect with your child. @imbetweenshow
Type 9 parents are very good at being able to see everybody’s perspective and figure out how to reconcile all different points of view. They give off a genuine feeling of acceptance and love for their children. @imbetweenshow
Nines: Take the time to learn how to build healthy boundaries. Be aware that it is hard for you to say no to your children. However, remember that saying no does not mean that you do not love your children. @imbetweenshow