The 5 Love Languages has helped millions of relationships, marriages, and families grow in their love and understanding for one another. In a blended family, The 5 Love Languages can help build your love for each other too, but with some unique parameters. In Episode 133, we interview Ron Deal—the leading national expert and the most widely read and viewed author on blended families in the country—about how to use the 5 Love Languages to create a loving and safe environment for your stepfamily.

the 5 love languages for blended families?

.Maybe you have read other titles in the 5 Love Languages Series and your marriage and parenting have benefited from lessons learned. However, you are beginning to realize that what was successful with your own children or previous spouse is not succeeding as well with your current family. Perhaps you are confused as to why your stepchild’s love language is physical touch, but when you try to hug your step-child, they respond in anger or walk away. There are unique challenges to using the 5 love languages with the blending of two families.

Ron provides the context surrounding the challenges that stepfamilies face when expressing and receiving love based on the 5 Love Languages. While empathetically reminding us that loss is a fundamental storyline in the backstory of every blended family, he also presents hope and encouragement for each stepfamily. He shares how we can avoid common mistakes and gives practical recommendations to help family members take steps forward with patience, persistence, love, and intentionality. By using the 5 Love Languages, and learning the unique dialects your family speaks, you can grow in your coupleness and your family togetherness. 

In This Episode, You Will Hear About:

• The 5 Love Languages:
  1. Words of affirmation: Words that speak to the worth of the individual.
  2. Quality time: Giving someone your full, undivided attention.
  3. Physical touch: Connecting with someone physically.
  4. Acts of service: Doing things to help another person.
  5. Receiving gifts: Giving someone something meaningful to them.
• How the 5 love languages can help blended families build relationships that honor the past while looking to the future.
• Common blended family barriers to speaking the love languages and what you can do about them.
• The importance of speaking the right love language dialect at the appropriate timing.

Resources Mentioned During the Episode:

• Purchase a copy of Ron L. Deal’s newest book, Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages and Becoming Stepfamily Smart
• Listen to our two previous episodes with Ron: Common Pitfalls in Blended Families and How to Overcome Them and Blended Families: Strategies to Help Your Stepfamily Blend
• Take The 5 Love Languages Quiz to find out your love language
• Hear more about discovering your child’s love language
• Read more about blended families, Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps To A Healthy Family
• Are you looking for more support for your blended family? Check out Smart Stepfamilies for many helpful resources

Quotes and Tweets:

• Without trust, the words, even the actions of love, lose meaning. @RonLDeal
• All of us feel unloved or emotionally unsafe at some point in any close relationship. What we do with that feeling is important because our response can either help restore security or make the situation worse. @RonLDeal
• Speaking their language may take great effort and may not feel authentic because it’s not your natural language, but that’s the point: surrendering your preference in order to connect to the heart of the other is a genuine act of love. @RonLDeal
• It’s not always natural to love every stepfamily member…some people are easier to love than others and some take great intentional effort to love. In either case, making the choice to love is a genuine starting point that can move both persons toward loving one another. @RonLDeal
• As a stepparent, knowing when and when not to love a stepchild with their primary love language is important. @RonLDeal
• Rejection can make you want to give up. Commit that you won’t let a child’s closed heart turn you against each other. @RonLDeal
• Loss is a fundamental storyline in the backstory of every blended family. We need to realize that loss and grief block attachment. @RonLDeal
• Eagerness trips up many well-intentioned stepparents. Pursue at a pace with patience. @RonLDeal

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Meet Ron L. Deal:

Ron L. Deal is a bestselling author, licensed marriage & family therapist, podcaster, and popular conference speaker. Ron is a leading national expert and the most widely read and viewed author on blended families in the country. He serves as President of Smart Stepfamilies™ and Director of FamilyLife Blended®, a division of FamilyLife®. He and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys. Their middle son Connor died unexpectedly in February 2009 at the age of 12. In his memory, the Deal’s have partnered with Touch a Life Foundation to rescue and rehabilitate children in Ghana, West Africa from trafficking and child exploitation. They would be honored if you would help them sing Connor’s song. Learn more at touchalifekids.org