106: A Conflict-Free Marriage Is Not The Goal

In This Episode, You Will Hear About:

• The difference between solvable and perpetual conflicts
• Three important perspective shifts when approaching perpetual conflict with your spouse
• What the 4 Horsemen Of The Apocalypse are:
  • Criticism
  • Contempt
  • Defensiveness
  • Stonewalling
• Why the 4 Horsemen are so dangerous to your marriage
• How winning an argument is actually losing

Resources Mentioned During the Episode:

• The 7 Principals For Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
• Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. John Gottman
• The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide To Strengthening Your Marriage by Dr. John Gottman
• Created For Connection by Dr. Sue Johnson 
• 4 Keys to Surviving Marital Stress
• 7 Ways To Breathe Life Back Into Your Marriage (interview with Karen Ehman) 
• 4 Things To Remember When Marriage is Hard 
• Marriage: The Good, The Hard, and The Beautiful (interview with Gary Thomas) 

Quotes and Tweets:

• Your spouse is not the enemy. @imbetweenshow
• If you win an argument, you actually both lose. @imbetweenshow
• 69% of problems in a relationship are perpetual. They are unsolvable. @Gottmaninst
• In every conflict there is a conversation the couple needed to have, but the fight occurred instead. @Gottmaninst
• Instead of seeing your spouse as the enemy, see your spouse as intimate allies against the war of misunderstanding. @Gottmaninst
• Once you accept the idea that in every disagreement there are always two valid points of view, it’s no longer necessary to argue for your own side. @imbetweenshow
• Instead of avoiding conflict, next time you and your spouse are in a heated discussion, remember that a conflict-free marriage is not the goal. @imbetweenshow

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