Do you believe that not having a conflict with your spouse is a sign of a healthy marriage? While, it may seem like couples that don’t disagree or argue, seem to have a good marriage, there is more to the story. In Episode 106, Daniel and Christina discuss why a conflict-free marriage should not be your goal.
In This Episode, You Will Hear About:
- The difference between solvable and perpetual conflicts
- Three important perspective shifts when approaching perpetual conflict with your spouse
-
What the 4 Horsemen Of The Apocalypse are:
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
-
Why the 4 Horsemen are so dangerous to your marriage
- How winning an argument is actually losing
Resources Mentioned During the Episode:
- The 7 Principals For Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
- Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. John Gottman
- The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide To Strengthening Your Marriage by Dr. John Gottman
- Created For Connection by Dr. Sue Johnson
- 4 Keys to Surviving Marital Stress
- 7 Ways To Breathe Life Back Into Your Marriage (interview with Karen Ehman)
- 4 Things To Remember When Marriage is Hard
- Marriage: The Good, The Hard, and The Beautiful (interview with Gary Thomas)
Quotes and Tweets:
- Your spouse is not the enemy. @imbetweenshow
- If you win an argument, you actually both lose. @imbetweenshow
- 69% of problems in a relationship are perpetual. They are unsolvable. @Gottmaninst
- In every conflict there is a conversation the couple needed to have, but the fight occurred instead. @Gottmaninst
- Instead of seeing your spouse as the enemy, see your spouse as intimate allies against the war of misunderstanding. @Gottmaninst
- Once you accept the idea that in every disagreement there are always two valid points of view, it’s no longer necessary to argue for your own side. @imbetweenshow
- Instead of avoiding conflict, next time you and your spouse are in a heated discussion, remember that a conflict-free marriage is not the goal. @imbetweenshow
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