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Episodes / Marriage

106: A Conflict-Free Marriage Is Not The Goal

June 29, 2020
Do you believe that not having a conflict with your spouse is a sign of a healthy marriage? While, it may seem like couples that don’t disagree or argue, seem to have a good marriage, there is more to the story. In Episode 106, Daniel and Christina discuss why a conflict-free marriage should not be your goal.

In This Episode, You Will Hear About:

  • The difference between solvable and perpetual conflicts
  • Three important perspective shifts when approaching perpetual conflict with your spouse
  • What the 4 Horsemen Of The Apocalypse are:
    • Criticism
    • Contempt
    • Defensiveness
    • Stonewalling
  • Why the 4 Horsemen are so dangerous to your marriage
  • How winning an argument is actually losing

Resources Mentioned During the Episode:

  • The 7 Principals For Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
  • Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. John Gottman
  • The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide To Strengthening Your Marriage by Dr. John Gottman
  • Created For Connection by Dr. Sue Johnson 
  • 4 Keys to Surviving Marital Stress
  • 7 Ways To Breathe Life Back Into Your Marriage (interview with Karen Ehman) 
  • 4 Things To Remember When Marriage is Hard 
  • Marriage: The Good, The Hard, and The Beautiful (interview with Gary Thomas) 

Quotes and Tweets:

  • Your spouse is not the enemy. @imbetweenshow
  • If you win an argument, you actually both lose. @imbetweenshow
  • 69% of problems in a relationship are perpetual. They are unsolvable. @Gottmaninst
  • In every conflict there is a conversation the couple needed to have, but the fight occurred instead. @Gottmaninst
  • Instead of seeing your spouse as the enemy, see your spouse as intimate allies against the war of misunderstanding. @Gottmaninst
  • Once you accept the idea that in every disagreement there are always two valid points of view, it’s no longer necessary to argue for your own side. @imbetweenshow
  • Instead of avoiding conflict, next time you and your spouse are in a heated discussion, remember that a conflict-free marriage is not the goal. @imbetweenshow

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And don’t forget to subscribe to our podcast, so that you will never miss an episode!
TAGS:alliesapocalypseargueconflictconflict-freecontemptcriticismdefensivenessDr John GottmanenemyfightGary Thomasgoalhorsemenkaren ehmanmarriageperpetualsolvablestonewallingstresswar
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Daniel and Christina Im
about us

Daniel and Christina Im

We’re Daniel and Christina Im. Our heart’s desire and mission is to give you the tools to build a strong, connected, and joy-filled marriage and family.

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One significant takeaway from our latest episode with @shannonbrinkwriter is the power of empathy in relationships, especially when one partner is enduring prolonged suffering. Shannon emphasizes that genuine empathy, rather than superficial reassurances, is crucial. This approach helps foster an environment where both partners feel heard and understood, navigating their struggles together. It’s a reminder of how important it is to be truly present with our loved ones in their times of need.

Tune into Episode 193 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts!
imbetweenshow
imbetweenshow
•
Follow
One significant takeaway from our latest episode with @shannonbrinkwriter is the power of empathy in relationships, especially when one partner is enduring prolonged suffering. Shannon emphasizes that genuine empathy, rather than superficial reassurances, is crucial. This approach helps foster an environment where both partners feel heard and understood, navigating their struggles together. It’s a reminder of how important it is to be truly present with our loved ones in their times of need. Tune into Episode 193 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts!
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Did you know our culture is increasingly aware of the importance of our inner life and rejecting hustle culture? In Episode 192 of our podcast, @mindycaliguire shares insights from @soul_care’s “listening tour” that revealed this shift. 

To hear the key to thriving in a busy world, tune into Episode 192 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
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imbetweenshow
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Did you know our culture is increasingly aware of the importance of our inner life and rejecting hustle culture? In Episode 192 of our podcast, @mindycaliguire shares insights from @soul_care’s “listening tour” that revealed this shift. To hear the key to thriving in a busy world, tune into Episode 192 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
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♥️ Understanding the Enneagram and its relevance to intimacy in marriage.

💙 The role of the Enneagram in enhancing self-awareness and partner understanding.

💜 Natural states of intimacy for different Enneagram types and potential conflicts.

💖 Creating a safe environment for open communication about intimacy.

💞 Navigating differences in sexual desires and preferences between partners.

💚 Insights into the strengths and growth areas of each Enneagram type regarding intimacy.

♥️ The importance of vulnerability and emotional connection in intimate relationships.

💙 Strategies for addressing and overcoming intimacy challenges specific to each Enneagram type.

💜 The significance of nonverbal cues and emotional awareness during intimate moments.

💕 Encouragement for couples to explore deeper connections through understanding their Enneagram types.

Tune into Episode 191 of the @imbetweenshow wherever you listen to podcasts!
imbetweenshow
imbetweenshow
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Follow
Did you know that your Enneagram type affects what happens in the bedroom with your spouse? In Episode 191 of the IMbetween Podcast, we interview Christa Hardin (@enneagramandmarriage) on: ♥️ Understanding the Enneagram and its relevance to intimacy in marriage. 💙 The role of the Enneagram in enhancing self-awareness and partner understanding. 💜 Natural states of intimacy for different Enneagram types and potential conflicts. 💖 Creating a safe environment for open communication about intimacy. 💞 Navigating differences in sexual desires and preferences between partners. 💚 Insights into the strengths and growth areas of each Enneagram type regarding intimacy. ♥️ The importance of vulnerability and emotional connection in intimate relationships. 💙 Strategies for addressing and overcoming intimacy challenges specific to each Enneagram type. 💜 The significance of nonverbal cues and emotional awareness during intimate moments. 💕 Encouragement for couples to explore deeper connections through understanding their Enneagram types. Tune into Episode 191 of the @imbetweenshow wherever you listen to podcasts!
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As we approach Black History Month, join us as we hear @trillianewbell share inspiring stories of Black Christians and how a shared meal can ignite meaningful conversations about history and identity! 

Listen to Episode 190 wherever you get your podcasts, or by clicking the link in our bio.
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imbetweenshow
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As we approach Black History Month, join us as we hear @trillianewbell share inspiring stories of Black Christians and how a shared meal can ignite meaningful conversations about history and identity! Listen to Episode 190 wherever you get your podcasts, or by clicking the link in our bio.
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🥦 Food isn’t just fuel; it’s packed with emotions! 

On episode 189 of our @imbetweenshow podcast, we discussed with @caroline.fausel from @oliveyouwhole on how our emotional ties to food can influence our eating habits (among many other topics related to living a simply healthy life).

Ever found yourself reaching for snacks when stressed? Caroline explains how our brains wire together experiences of using food to feel better, and how this emotional connection can complicate our relationship with food. On this episode you will discover how food is deeply personal and understanding our emotional ties to it is crucial for lasting change.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts! Episode 189 on the IMbetween Podcast.
imbetweenshow
imbetweenshow
•
Follow
🥦 Food isn’t just fuel; it’s packed with emotions! On episode 189 of our @imbetweenshow podcast, we discussed with @caroline.fausel from @oliveyouwhole on how our emotional ties to food can influence our eating habits (among many other topics related to living a simply healthy life). Ever found yourself reaching for snacks when stressed? Caroline explains how our brains wire together experiences of using food to feel better, and how this emotional connection can complicate our relationship with food. On this episode you will discover how food is deeply personal and understanding our emotional ties to it is crucial for lasting change. Listen wherever you get your podcasts! Episode 189 on the IMbetween Podcast.
4 months ago
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In Episode 188, @danielsangi and @christina.therapy  talk with @steveryancarter, who shares his journey through grief and insights from his new book, “Grieve, Breathe, Receive.” Steve discusses his complex relationships with his adoptive and biological fathers. emphasizing the importance of processing grief with hope. He introduces a framework for navigating grief, encouraging listeners to honour their feelings and remain open to the beautiful surprises that life can bring. The episode offers valuable perspectives on healing, reconciliation, and the transformative power of hope. 

Listen in wherever you get your podcasts by searching “IMbetween Podcast” or by going to IMbetween.org/episode188.
imbetweenshow
imbetweenshow
•
Follow
In Episode 188, @danielsangi and @christina.therapy talk with @steveryancarter, who shares his journey through grief and insights from his new book, “Grieve, Breathe, Receive.” Steve discusses his complex relationships with his adoptive and biological fathers. emphasizing the importance of processing grief with hope. He introduces a framework for navigating grief, encouraging listeners to honour their feelings and remain open to the beautiful surprises that life can bring. The episode offers valuable perspectives on healing, reconciliation, and the transformative power of hope. Listen in wherever you get your podcasts by searching “IMbetween Podcast” or by going to IMbetween.org/episode188.
6 months ago
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@imbetweenshow

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Hello Instagram

One significant takeaway from our latest episode with @shannonbrinkwriter is the power of empathy in relationships, especially when one partner is enduring prolonged suffering. Shannon emphasizes that genuine empathy, rather than superficial reassurances, is crucial. This approach helps foster an environment where both partners feel heard and understood, navigating their struggles together. It’s a reminder of how important it is to be truly present with our loved ones in their times of need.

Tune into Episode 193 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts!
imbetweenshow
imbetweenshow
•
Follow
One significant takeaway from our latest episode with @shannonbrinkwriter is the power of empathy in relationships, especially when one partner is enduring prolonged suffering. Shannon emphasizes that genuine empathy, rather than superficial reassurances, is crucial. This approach helps foster an environment where both partners feel heard and understood, navigating their struggles together. It’s a reminder of how important it is to be truly present with our loved ones in their times of need. Tune into Episode 193 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts!
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
1/5
Did you know our culture is increasingly aware of the importance of our inner life and rejecting hustle culture? In Episode 192 of our podcast, @mindycaliguire shares insights from @soul_care’s “listening tour” that revealed this shift. 

To hear the key to thriving in a busy world, tune into Episode 192 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
imbetweenshow
imbetweenshow
•
Follow
Did you know our culture is increasingly aware of the importance of our inner life and rejecting hustle culture? In Episode 192 of our podcast, @mindycaliguire shares insights from @soul_care’s “listening tour” that revealed this shift. To hear the key to thriving in a busy world, tune into Episode 192 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
2/5
Did you know that your Enneagram type affects what happens in the bedroom with your spouse? In Episode 191 of the IMbetween Podcast, we interview Christa Hardin (@enneagramandmarriage) on: 

♥️ Understanding the Enneagram and its relevance to intimacy in marriage.

💙 The role of the Enneagram in enhancing self-awareness and partner understanding.

💜 Natural states of intimacy for different Enneagram types and potential conflicts.

💖 Creating a safe environment for open communication about intimacy.

💞 Navigating differences in sexual desires and preferences between partners.

💚 Insights into the strengths and growth areas of each Enneagram type regarding intimacy.

♥️ The importance of vulnerability and emotional connection in intimate relationships.

💙 Strategies for addressing and overcoming intimacy challenges specific to each Enneagram type.

💜 The significance of nonverbal cues and emotional awareness during intimate moments.

💕 Encouragement for couples to explore deeper connections through understanding their Enneagram types.

Tune into Episode 191 of the @imbetweenshow wherever you listen to podcasts!
imbetweenshow
imbetweenshow
•
Follow
Did you know that your Enneagram type affects what happens in the bedroom with your spouse? In Episode 191 of the IMbetween Podcast, we interview Christa Hardin (@enneagramandmarriage) on: ♥️ Understanding the Enneagram and its relevance to intimacy in marriage. 💙 The role of the Enneagram in enhancing self-awareness and partner understanding. 💜 Natural states of intimacy for different Enneagram types and potential conflicts. 💖 Creating a safe environment for open communication about intimacy. 💞 Navigating differences in sexual desires and preferences between partners. 💚 Insights into the strengths and growth areas of each Enneagram type regarding intimacy. ♥️ The importance of vulnerability and emotional connection in intimate relationships. 💙 Strategies for addressing and overcoming intimacy challenges specific to each Enneagram type. 💜 The significance of nonverbal cues and emotional awareness during intimate moments. 💕 Encouragement for couples to explore deeper connections through understanding their Enneagram types. Tune into Episode 191 of the @imbetweenshow wherever you listen to podcasts!
3 months ago
View on Instagram |
3/5
As we approach Black History Month, join us as we hear @trillianewbell share inspiring stories of Black Christians and how a shared meal can ignite meaningful conversations about history and identity! 

Listen to Episode 190 wherever you get your podcasts, or by clicking the link in our bio.
imbetweenshow
imbetweenshow
•
Follow
As we approach Black History Month, join us as we hear @trillianewbell share inspiring stories of Black Christians and how a shared meal can ignite meaningful conversations about history and identity! Listen to Episode 190 wherever you get your podcasts, or by clicking the link in our bio.
3 months ago
View on Instagram |
4/5
🥦 Food isn’t just fuel; it’s packed with emotions! 

On episode 189 of our @imbetweenshow podcast, we discussed with @caroline.fausel from @oliveyouwhole on how our emotional ties to food can influence our eating habits (among many other topics related to living a simply healthy life).

Ever found yourself reaching for snacks when stressed? Caroline explains how our brains wire together experiences of using food to feel better, and how this emotional connection can complicate our relationship with food. On this episode you will discover how food is deeply personal and understanding our emotional ties to it is crucial for lasting change.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts! Episode 189 on the IMbetween Podcast.
imbetweenshow
imbetweenshow
•
Follow
🥦 Food isn’t just fuel; it’s packed with emotions! On episode 189 of our @imbetweenshow podcast, we discussed with @caroline.fausel from @oliveyouwhole on how our emotional ties to food can influence our eating habits (among many other topics related to living a simply healthy life). Ever found yourself reaching for snacks when stressed? Caroline explains how our brains wire together experiences of using food to feel better, and how this emotional connection can complicate our relationship with food. On this episode you will discover how food is deeply personal and understanding our emotional ties to it is crucial for lasting change. Listen wherever you get your podcasts! Episode 189 on the IMbetween Podcast.
4 months ago
View on Instagram |
5/5
@imbetweenshow
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