142: 4 Simple Ways To Reconnect With Your Spouse When You Are Feeling Disconnected

May 3, 2021

Is it possible for you and your spouse to live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, eat dinner around the same table, be quarantined in the same space, and feel utterly alone? Absolutely. And if you feel this way, you are not alone. It happens more often than couples talk about or are willing to confess.

Do You See me? Do You Care About Me?

Researcher and psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, discovered that the #1 thing couples fight about is not about money, or in-laws, or sex. Instead, most arguments in relationships are about a failure to connect emotionally. That’s why, in today’s episode, we want to share with you 4 ways to reconnect with your spouse when you are feeling disconnected. After more than a year of this pandemic, there has been a lot said (or maybe unsaid) that may have left the both of you feeling more weary and alone. We want to help redirect you to one another instead of continuing to let the wedge grow between you and your spouse.

In This Episode, You Will Hear About:

Why you may be feeling distant from your spouse.
The importance of attachment, joy, connection, and micro-moments.
The 4 ways to reconnect with your spouse:
1. Update your love maps together.
2. Pray for and with your spouse.
3. Look for fun.
4. Appreciate daily and build a culture of respect.

Resources Mentioned IN This Episode:

Listen to our episode with Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey, How To Strengthen Your Marriage In 15 Minutes
Pick up the book, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages
Learn about the importance of bids for each other’s attention and the importance of turning toward one another when a bid is made.
Read more about building love maps
Looking for some Psalms to read and pray together with your spouse? Here are some that we recommend:
- Psalm 23 – God, you renew and restore me
- Psalm 91 – God, my refuge and my fortress
- Psalm 121 – God, you are my helper
- Psalm 139 – God, you know me
Here are a few worship songs that you can sit with your spouse and listen to, sing along with, and worship God together:
- Grave Into Gardens by Elevation Worship
- Jireh by Maverick City
- Goodness Of God by Bethel Music
- The Worship Medley: Reckless Love, O Come To The Fountain, Great Are You Lord by Tauren Wells
Check out Biblegateway.com: A searchable online Bible in over 150 versions and 50 languages.

Quotes And Tweets:

Love is cultivated during the grind of everyday life. It’s the seemingly meaningless little moments of connection that are the most meaningful of all. @gottmaninst
Couples who stay in love throughout their married lives are couples who excel at the art of keeping their joy levels high. The opposite is also true. Low joy couples tend to be the ones that fall “out of love” because there is an absence of joy. @coursey_chris
Dr. John Gottman discovered that the #1 thing couples fight about is not about money, or in-laws, or sex. Instead, most arguments in relationships are about a failure to connect emotionally. @imbetweenshow
How do we build these micro-moments of connection with our spouse? Turn toward your spouse when they make a bid instead of turning away. @imbetweenshow
Love is attachment—it is a bond that you share with your spouse through the thick and thin of life. @imbetweenshow
You can choose to do loving and kind things for your spouse. But, you cannot actually choose to feel love. However, the more joy you build into your marriage, the more the feeling of connection will continue to grow. @coursey_chris
The secret to understanding your spouse is through the hard work of putting your relationship in a position where you can share openly and honestly with one another. @imbetweenshow
If you aren’t quite ready to pray aloud with your spouse, one idea would be to choose a passage of scripture to read over your spouse as a blessing. For example, if your spouse is feeling exhausted, you may read a passage that encourages them, like Isaiah 40:28-31 @imbetweenshow
Build a culture of respect and appreciation in your marriage by catching your spouse doing something right instead of pointing out when your spouse does something wrong. @imbetweenshow