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Episodes / Marriage

158: 4 Ways To Stick Together When You Feel Bored, Irritated, or Frustrated with your Spouse

September 12, 2022

Sometimes our spouse can feel like our best friend. And, other times, they can drive us crazy! In episode 158, we want to give you four ways to stick together when you feel bored, irritated, or frustrated with your spouse.

In This Episode, You’ll Hear About:

  • 4 ways to stick together when you feel bored, irritated, or frustrated with your spouse
    1. Start with yourself
    2. Turn toward each other instead of away
    3. Remember the acronym HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)
    4. Learn to ask: what is my part in this?
  • Why “name it to tame it” is so helpful
  • How emotions are roadmaps and not fact
  • The importance of bids and turning toward your spouse to invest in your relationship
  • The difference between marriage masters and marriage disasters

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

  • Ep: 95 4 Keys To Surviving Marital Stress
  • Ep: 106 A Conflict-Free Marriage Is Not The Goal
  • Ep: 114 How To Fight With Your Spouse Without Ruining Your Marriage
  • Ep: 128 How To Do A Relationship Check-In
  • Ep 142: 4 Simple Ways To Reconnect With Your Spouse When You Are Feeling Disconnected

Quotes And Tweets:

  • While naming emotions and how you feel is healthy and needed, one vital point is that emotions are not facts. Just because you feel bored with your spouse doesn’t mean they are boring. And just because you feel frustrated with your spouse doesn’t make them frustrating. –Ā @imbetweenshow
  • Think of emotions as essential roadmaps. They are pointing out what is happening within us and around us. So, take the time to be able to read your emotional roadmaps. What is happening in you and around you? –Ā Ā @imbetweenshow
  • Here is an excellent framework to remember when making decisions: Don’t make permanent decisions when you’re HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). –Ā @imbetweenshow

Scripture References Mentioned In This Episode:

  • Psalm 139_23-24

Questions For Personal Reflection When You’re Feeling bored/irritated/frustrated with your spouse:

Instead of pointing out all the ways your spouse is coming up short, take the time and energy to acknowledge the feelings within yourself and stay curious. Ask yourself these questions, write them in a journal, or record yourself talking. The point of taking notes is to go back and process what you’ve written or recorded.

  • What am I feeling?
  • Why am I feeling this way?
  • Has anything happened in the last few days, weeks, or months that has made me feel like this?
  • Am I HALT? (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)
  • Is there a pattern in what is going on in my life and how I am feeling?

Discussion Prompts For You As A Couple:

We often listen to a podcast but never apply what we’ve learned. We want to help you and your spouse grow together by talking and discussing essential topics based on the episode you listened to. This is your sign to plan a date night and enjoy each other’s company.

  • How do you think we can turn toward each other more instead of away?
  • Are there any situations in your life where remembering HALT would be helpful?
  • How have you changed in the last year?
  • What do you need right now in a friend?
TAGS:angrybidboreddate nightemotionsfriendfrustratedGottmanHALThungryirritatedlonelymarriagespousetogetherturn againstturn away
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Daniel and Christina Im
about us

Daniel and Christina Im

We’re Daniel and Christina Im. Our heart’s desire and mission is to give you the tools to build a strong, connected, and joy-filled marriage and family.

Instagram

Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
•
Follow
Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
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Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
•
Follow
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
3 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
2/5
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. 

This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
•
Follow
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
4 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
3/5
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
•
Follow
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚ Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
4/5
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
•
Follow
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey. 8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
5/5
@imbetweenshow

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Hello Instagram

Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
•
Follow
Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
1/5
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
•
Follow
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
3 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
2/5
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. 

This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
•
Follow
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
4 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
3/5
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
•
Follow
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚ Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
4/5
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
•
Follow
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey. 8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
5/5
@imbetweenshow
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