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Episodes / Interviews / Parenting

88: Debunking The Myths of Motherhood with Melanie Shankle

February 24, 2020

In an age where we measure success, influence, Youtube subscribers, and Instagram likes, how do you measure motherhood? What makes a Perfect Mom? And is being a good Mom just not good enough?

In Episode 88, Daniel and Christina interview New York Times best-selling author, Melanie Shankle. Melanie shares her wisdom and humor about the realities of motherhood and helps speak truth into the facade of the “Perfect Mom.”

In This Episode, You Will Hear About:

  • The difference between a Perfect Mom and a Good Mom
  • What happens when we parent out of fear
  • How you know when you should stop having children
  • What our kids need most from us
  • Quality time versus quantity time

Resources Mentioned During the Episode:

  • Grab a copy of Melanie’s newest books, On The Bright Side: Stories about Friendship, Love and Being True to Yourself and children’s book, Piper and Mabel: Two Very Wild but Very Good Dogs
  • Check out Melanie’s blog, The Big Mama Blog
  • Listen to our previous episode about Why We Need to Teach Our Kids to Fail
  • Want to hear more about raising kids that are resilient, passionate, and gritty? Tune into Episode 10: How to Raise Resilient, Gritty, and Passionate Kids 
  • Are you a stay-at-home parent? Listen into Episode 14: How to Thrive as a Stay-At-Home Parent
  • Needing to learn how to balance your work and home life? Check out our interview with Christy Wright about Work-Life Balance

Quotables and Tweetables:

  • “The perfect Mom doesn’t exist. And, even if she did, we would all hate her guts.” @BigMama
  • “The perfect mom is a unicorn, mythical at best. But a good mom is the velveteen rabbit, a little worn from use.” @BigMama
  • “I’m confident I’m a good mom, because what ultimately makes a good mom is showing up.” @BigMama
  • “I’ve learned that I sometimes want to parent out of fear, and that’s not good for any of us.” @BigMama
  • “If we’re scared, then we’re going to raise kids who are scared. And you know what scared kids don’t do? Grow up to be people who impact their world.” @BigMama
  • “Let’s teach our kids to be brave, even if that means we sometimes have to pretend to be less scared than we really are as we watch them learn to fly.” @BigMama
  • “And that sums up having a teenager. These are the years that increase our prayer life as we hold on for the ride to see who they are going to become and try to figure out how to show them the way and get out of their way at the same time.” @BigMama
  • “Perfect parents exist. They just don’t have kids yet.” @imbetweenshow

Subscribe and Connect With Us:

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  • Instagram – @imbetweenshow
  • Twitter – @imbetweenshow
  • Facebook – @imbetweenshow
And don’t forget to subscribe to our podcast, so that you will never miss an episode!

_____________________________________________________________

Meet Melanie Shankle:

Melanie writes regularly at The Big Mama blog and is the New York Times bestselling author of four previous books. Melanie is a graduate of Texas A&M and loves writing, shopping at Target, checking to see what’s on sale at Anthropologie and trying to find the lighter side in every situation. Most of all, she loves being the mother of Caroline, the wife of Perry and the official herder of two wild dogs named Piper and Mabel. The five of them live in San Antonio, Texas.
TAGS:afraidauthorbravebrightchildrendebunkfailfeargrittyinterviewkidsMamamelanie shanklemommothermotherhoodmythparentperfectprayerquality timequantity timescaredstay-at-home parentteenagerunicorn
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Daniel and Christina Im
about us

Daniel and Christina Im

We’re Daniel and Christina Im. Our heart’s desire and mission is to give you the tools to build a strong, connected, and joy-filled marriage and family.

Instagram

Did you know that despite growing awareness of mental health, anxiety and depression rates in children and adolescents have sharply risen? 

In episode 196 of the @imbetweenshow podcast, @sarahboyd, author of Turn Down the Noise, discusses how overstimulation in our environment could be a key factor. 

Just like a garden needs the right conditions to thrive, so do our minds. It’s about adjusting our surroundings to create supportive spaces for everyone, especially our kids. 🌱📘 

Listen wherever you get your podcasts, or by going to https://imbetween.org/episode196/

#MentalHealth #Overstimulation #Parenting
•
Follow
Did you know that despite growing awareness of mental health, anxiety and depression rates in children and adolescents have sharply risen? In episode 196 of the @imbetweenshow podcast, @sarahboyd, author of Turn Down the Noise, discusses how overstimulation in our environment could be a key factor. Just like a garden needs the right conditions to thrive, so do our minds. It’s about adjusting our surroundings to create supportive spaces for everyone, especially our kids. 🌱📘 Listen wherever you get your podcasts, or by going to https://imbetween.org/episode196/ #MentalHealth #Overstimulation #Parenting
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Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
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Follow
Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
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Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
•
Follow
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
3/6
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. 

This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
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🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
4/6
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
•
Follow
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂 Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
5/6
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled “embarrassing” (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled “embarrassing” (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
•
Follow
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey. 8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled “embarrassing” (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
6/6
@imbetweenshow

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Hello Instagram

Did you know that despite growing awareness of mental health, anxiety and depression rates in children and adolescents have sharply risen? 

In episode 196 of the @imbetweenshow podcast, @sarahboyd, author of Turn Down the Noise, discusses how overstimulation in our environment could be a key factor. 

Just like a garden needs the right conditions to thrive, so do our minds. It’s about adjusting our surroundings to create supportive spaces for everyone, especially our kids. 🌱📘 

Listen wherever you get your podcasts, or by going to https://imbetween.org/episode196/

#MentalHealth #Overstimulation #Parenting
•
Follow
Did you know that despite growing awareness of mental health, anxiety and depression rates in children and adolescents have sharply risen? In episode 196 of the @imbetweenshow podcast, @sarahboyd, author of Turn Down the Noise, discusses how overstimulation in our environment could be a key factor. Just like a garden needs the right conditions to thrive, so do our minds. It’s about adjusting our surroundings to create supportive spaces for everyone, especially our kids. 🌱📘 Listen wherever you get your podcasts, or by going to https://imbetween.org/episode196/ #MentalHealth #Overstimulation #Parenting
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
1/5
Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
•
Follow
Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
4 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
2/5
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
•
Follow
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
3/5
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. 

This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
•
Follow
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
4/5
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
•
Follow
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi 😂 Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
5/5
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