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Marriage

168: 5 Divorce-Predicting Factors To Watch Out For

April 3, 2023

Divorce is a complex and emotional experience and not a “fuzzy feeling” topic. No one wants to think about the possibility of their marriage ending in separation or divorce. However, understanding the potential factors that may contribute to a marital breakdown can help you work to strengthen your relationship and avoid potential pitfalls. In this episode, you will discover the 5 divorce-predicting factors you must watch out for.

In This Episode, You’ll Hear About The Following:

  • Why a “harsh start-up” is a factor that predicts divorce
  • Why the first three minutes of your interaction with your spouse are so important
  • The Four Horsemen and why they can be so destructive in your marriage
  • Why contempt is the highest predictor of divorce 
  • How to be proactive in seeking help for your relationship so that the warning signs don’t turn into major issues.

Resources Mentioned In This EPisode:

  • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
  • 4 Simple Ways To Reconnect With Your Spouse When You Are Feeling Disconnected
  • How To Repair Your Relationship After A Big Fight
  • How To Fight With Your Spouse Without Ruining Your Marriage
  • A Conflict-Free Marriage Is Not The Goal

Quotes And Tweets:

  • “A harsh start-up can lead to disconnection.” @imbetweenshow
  • “96% of the time, you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes of a couple’s interaction.” @imbetweenshow
  • “These four horsemen show up in a  marriage in the following order: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.” @imbetweenshow
  • “Criticism is labeling someone and making it about their character rather than about the behaviour you’d like them to change.” @imbetweenshow
  • “The end of a marriage can be predicted long before the divorce papers are signed.” @imbetweenshow
  • “Taking steps to address the issues in your relationship can help to strengthen your bond and improve your chances of a healthy and long-lasting marriage.” @imbetweenshow

Questions For Personal Reflection:

  • Do you see any of these divorce-predicting factors in your marriage?
  • Are there any patterns in the way that you resolve conflict?
  • How do you tend to view the challenges you’ve faced with your spouse?

Discussion Prompts For You As A Couple:

  • How would you describe the level of friendship between us?
  • How can we be more proactive in seeking help for our relationship, so that the warning signs don’t turn into major issues?

TAGS:characterconflictcontemptcriticismdefensivenessdivorcefactorsfightfriendshipGottmanhealthyhorsemenhusbandlovemarriagepatternspitfallsreconnectrelationshiprepairseparationspousestonewallingwife
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Daniel and Christina Im
about us

Daniel and Christina Im

We’re Daniel and Christina Im. Our heart’s desire and mission is to give you the tools to build a strong, connected, and joy-filled marriage and family.

Instagram

Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
•
Follow
Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
1/6
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
•
Follow
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
3 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
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🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. 

This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
•
Follow
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
4 weeks ago
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3/6
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
•
Follow
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚ Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
4/6
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
•
Follow
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey. 8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
5/6
One significant takeaway from our latest episode with @shannonbrinkwriter is the power of empathy in relationships, especially when one partner is enduring prolonged suffering. Shannon emphasizes that genuine empathy, rather than superficial reassurances, is crucial. This approach helps foster an environment where both partners feel heard and understood, navigating their struggles together. It’s a reminder of how important it is to be truly present with our loved ones in their times of need.

Tune into Episode 193 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts!
•
Follow
One significant takeaway from our latest episode with @shannonbrinkwriter is the power of empathy in relationships, especially when one partner is enduring prolonged suffering. Shannon emphasizes that genuine empathy, rather than superficial reassurances, is crucial. This approach helps foster an environment where both partners feel heard and understood, navigating their struggles together. It’s a reminder of how important it is to be truly present with our loved ones in their times of need. Tune into Episode 193 of the IMbetween Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts!
7 months ago
View on Instagram |
6/6
@imbetweenshow

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    March 17, 2025

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Hello Instagram

Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
•
Follow
Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? @cassandralspeer shares her struggles with imposter syndrome. On episode 195 of the IMbetween Podcast, we delved into how these feelings of inadequacy can actually highlight our humility and dependence on God. It’s a poignant reminder that feeling unqualified doesn’t disqualify us from our purpose—it can be a step towards it. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/epsiode195/
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
1/5
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
•
Follow
Happy birthday to my bestest friend @danielsangi and the person who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else in this world. Life with you is more beautiful, whimsical, adventurous, full, and fun than I ever imagined. Today, we celebrate you and the gift your presence is to us. Love you forever!
3 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
2/5
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. 

This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
•
Follow
🌟 Parenting Tip Alert! Ever find yourself overwhelmed by bursts of anger or frustration with your kids? You’re not alone. In our latest podcast episode, @aliciamichellecoach shares the ADD framework: Acknowledge, Discern, Decide. This three-step method helps parents navigate their emotions effectively. By understanding and validating our feelings, we can respond more thoughtfully to our children’s needs. Tune in to Episode 194 of the IMbetween Podcast (wherever you listen to your podcasts or at https://imbetween.org/episode194) for relatable stories and actionable advice on managing emotions in parenting.
4 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
3/5
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚

Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
•
Follow
V started high school today, A entered her last year of middle school, and M began his last year of elementary. Not sure how we have kids this old @danielsangi šŸ˜‚ Luna was sad to be home all alone after a summer full of cuddles from the kids.
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
4/5
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. 

My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey.

8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. 

I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. 

Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
•
Follow
Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. You all represent different times and aspects of my life made all the more meaningful and brighter because of your presence. My 40s started off with me doing some pretty deep healing, learning to dream again, learning my limits, learning how to say no, learning to ask for what I needed, and learning to listen to my body. It has been a bumpy and beautiful journey. 8 weeks ago, I felt my body start to crave running again. Since my concussion 6 years ago, I haven’t been able to run without it resulting in a massive migraine. Running was not only something I no longer enjoyed, it was an activity that caused me deep pain. I was quite surprised when I felt this urge to run, but I’ve learned to listen to my body. I also knew it had been a LONG time since my feet had hit the pavement in a speed faster than a walk, so I needed to take it slow. I also needed to re-learn how to run. I started the Peloton run outdoors program. My first run outdoors was a bit chaotic and quite humorous; I felt completely out of my element and could only run 2 minutes without needing to walk. But, what I would have previously labelled ā€œembarrassingā€ (which would have led me to quit), felt more like I was honouring what my body was signalling to me. I did not have a headache and it felt good. Fast forward 2 months and I finished my Peloton running outdoors program today where I ran 30 minutes straight without walking or stopping…a huge accomplishment as compared to day one. I think I will always be learning how to love and accept my body, but today, I rejoice that I am one step closer.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
5/5
@imbetweenshow
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